Future Queen Camilla's Birthday

Today marks the occasion of the marriage of my very, very distant cousin Prince Charles to Camilla Parker-Bowles. I wish to offer them my congratulations. I particularly wish to honor the bride, who has displayed a traditional loyalty to her lord and liege for about thirty years now, and has done it with a reserve and dignity that can best be described as the traditional “straight upper lip” of British ladies. Such dignity has been sorely missed with the passing of the late Queen Mother Elizabeth, a much beloved figure.

The Weekend Wall Street Journal had an article about the couple which indicated the author, Tunku Varadarajan, thought he should append the honorific “Poor” to Charles' name. Here is what I wrote his editors in response…

“I think you've missed an important point. The Queens Elizabeth I & II did not have the masculine blood lust of Kings. I would hate to be a paparazzi on the day Charles (or his son William) is coronated and no longer subject to maternal restraint! As noted, Great Britain does not have 8th Amendment protection against "Cruel and unusual punishment". One might see the Tower of London restored to its prior prominence, and do you think the public would deny a King avenging his first wife? Revenge is a dish best served cold, and Charles will have had plenty of time to cool off.”

Once he does become King, my advice is to find a British paparazzi who was chasing Diana when she entered that tunnel in Paris and order him confined to the Tower of London for the rest of his life, and he should instruct the guard that if the prisoner should attempt to escape, he should be drawn and quartered! That should help restore a measure of civility to English society! And he should declare that henceforth April 9 shall be celebrated as Queen Camilla’s Birthday with all the pomp and ceremony that once attended the “Queen Mum’s Birthday”. God Save the Future King and Queen of England!