Dictators Can't Stand To Be A Laughingstock!
Washington D.C. - In an effort to beat the U.S. Army in its campaign to liberate Iran, the U.S. Navy announced today at 17:51 EST (2251Z) that it had targeted the Iranian tunnels used for nuclear fuel enrichment with Trident 2, D-5 silobusters and that they are holding the town of Isfahan hostage until the mullahs agree to hold a referendum on ending the theocracy in favor of a democratic government. Until such time as the mullahs agree to this demand, the U.S. Marines stationed aboard the U.S.S. Bonhomme Richard in the Arabian Gulf (nee Persian Gulf) will board and detain any oil tankers bound for China to search for weapons of mass destruction being smuggled back out of Iran & Iraq. All vessels found to be in violation of United Nations resolutions will be impounded, directed to a U.S. port and their cargo sold by authority of the Admiralty Court. Any remaining disputes will be referred to the World Court and the offenders will be put under an arrest warrant. The matter will then be sent to The World's Policeman, George W. Bush for action!